You are walking and all of a sudden, you notice a hot girl. She is across the street, walking towards your direction. Her waist is slender. Her skin radiant. Her eyes are cute. You are totally attracted to her. You feel the tension but […..]
What causes approach anxiety?
You are walking and all of a sudden, you notice a hot girl.
She is across the street, walking towards your direction.
Her waist is slender. Her skin radiant. Her eyes are cute.
You are attracted to her. You feel the tension, but you have no clue what to say.
You think about stopping her, start a short conversation, and get her contact but your nerves get the best of you.
Thoughts start to pop up into your head…..
“she is out of my league”
“she might not want to talk to me”
“all these people will start to look at me” ” what if she acts bitchy?”.
As seconds pass, the girl passes past you without making the approach because of the negative self talk.
You reach home, you start having regrets about the great opportunity you missed.
Now you counsel your self that you will never miss any opportunity again.
But the same thing keeps happening over, and over, and over, and over again.
Well bro! All of us have been there…
In this article….
I’m going to take you through what I do and the psychology that helped me to deal with the approach anxiety.
It will help you to crush your approach anxiety in no time!
What Causes Approach Anxiety?
Approach anxiety is a result of;
i) Fear of rejection.
There are guys who have no problems with approaching girls but their ego can’t stand rejection.
Most guys fall under this category. I myself fell under this category.
ii) Being nervous around women.
There are some guys who have no problem with being rejected, but get nervous in front of a hot woman because they are not used to chat with women.
iii) or it can be because of both.
So, am going to divide this article into two parts….
• How to deal with nervousness
• How to deal with the fear of being rejected.
Before we get there, you need to know this……
Your Nervousness Is A Good Thing.
You should not take your nervousness as bad thing.
Being nervous shows that you are trying something new. That is why being anxious should not stop you from approaching women.
Almost all men feel nervous while talking to women they have just met.
It takes to practice approaching girls and experience in talking to women you have just met to stop being anxious around hot girls.
When you keep starting short conversations with lots of women, your nervousness around women will start to decrease.
How Can You Deal With Your Nervousness?
” courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who doesn’t feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela.
#1. First approach women without expectations.
Like i said, one of the reasons why you feel nervous talking to women you have just met is because you are not used to it.
So how do you destroy the fear of approaching girls?.
You face your fear by talking to girls anyway.
But you want to get out of your comfort zone by taking baby steps.
You will be overwhelmed if you want to destroy your anxiety by approaching hot girls straight away.
So, what you need to do is to first approach girls without expecting anything from the interactions.
You can try approaching girls without any outcome in two ways;
i) Start short conversations with random people.
》Talk to children, old people, ugly girls, beautiful girls, fellow guys, give them compliments, make funny compliments.
For example, you can meet a seven year old boy and say….
“Hey! Your shoes look nice. Where did you buy them?”
This is crucial because it helped me to develop a charming personality.
It will also help you to warm up for the second step am going to give you.
ii) Then start approaching girls without getting their numbers or trying to pick them up.
Remember you are just trying to get used to chatting with random girls.
So, don’t have any intentions of dating the girl or hooking up with her or asking her out on a date.
You treat her like you would treat any other random person.
Potential things you can do;
These are just examples but you can come up with your own ideas.
• Just simply say hi.
• Compliment on what she is wearing.
• Ask for directions. It can also be an excuse.
• Ask for her opinion.
If the girl acts bitchy, you won’t feel bad because you weren’t expecting anything from her.
You see, the word rejection actually means that you didn’t get what you expected from the girl.
So, if you approach girls without any expecting any outcome, there is no way she will reject you.
This will help you become charismatic and warmed up, so that when you are about to walk past a hot girl again, you won’t hesitate.
Trying to start a conversation with her will feel totally natural and free flowing.
You will treat her like all those elderly people you chat with….
a.k.a you will not be putting her on the pedestal.
And this why most guys get too nervous when they are in front of a hot chic, they are always trying to impress her by looking for a perfect thing to say.
However, even after you get used to approaching girls…..
you should also keep chatting with random people other than focusing talking to only beautiful girls.
#2. While approaching girls, focus on your body language.
One of the reasons why you feel anxious before approaching a girl is simply because you are always looking for the perfect line or a magic word to say to the girl.
Ignore all those lame lines from pick up artists.
They tell you…..
“Tell her this one word, and you will get her to chase you”
“15 pick up lines that can prevent you from getting rejected”.
This is the worst advice you could ever get on the planet.
When approaching a girl, you do not want to use a pick up line because;
• You show the girl that you are already attracted to the girl. Sometimes you need to develop mystery by having the girl doubt whether you like her or not. It keeps you as a challenge.
• Whenever you are trying to say the correct thing to a girl, it shows that you are trying to win her approval.
• Whenever you try to look for a perfect line, it always makes you to keep in your head which even makes you more nervous.
• Most beautiful girls have experienced a lot of guys who try to approach them with pick up lines. So, if you say a pick up line to a girl, she will immediately put her guard up.
What you say to a woman doesn’t really matter.
It is how you say it that matters.
For example, just paint a picture.
You say a perfect pick up line to a hot girl, but you are not making eye contact with the girl or you are putting your arms in the pockets or you are speaking very fast and mumbling.
What will the girl be thinking?
It will make you look like a weirdo.
Women have a primal instinct of feeling a man’s confidence through his body language.
So whenever you are approaching a girl, focus on what you are communicating with your body language rather than focusing on what you need to say.
This will be helpful because;
• This will help you to get out of your head.
When you focus on body language that makes you look confident, you will feel relaxed, calm, and less nervous.
Remember 70% percent of human communications can be through body language. So, you should focus on how you can improve your confiduence.
So, you don’t need to get anxious because you are looking for the perfect thing to say to a girl.
A girl can get attracted to you without you saying a thing simply by looking at your body language like how you walk, how fast you speak, your posture and all other qualities that show confidence.
A certain body language signals can help boost your confidence, make you feel less nervous and keep you calm.
Here are somebody language signals;
》hold your head high
》have an open body
》slow down your movements.
》take slow and deep breaths
#3. Make approaching women fun.
Success in approaching and interacting with women comes from not putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
This will help you in a lot of ways.
You will be confident, fun, playful and exciting.
This will increase your chances of getting the girl’s contact, and saying yes when you ask her out on a date.
You will feel relaxed and laid back because you will be enjoying the process and not worrying about whether the girl will like you or reject you.
Ever heard of a saying that girls just want to have fun. Well, it happens to be true.
When you approach a girl in a fun mood, she will pick up your energy and a few hours later…..
you may be lieng naked with her and horizontally close to each other (you know what i mean, haha)
I will give two ways on how you can make approaching women seem fun
i) Do not filter yourself.
When interacting with her be polarising. Say whatever comes to your mind. Do not self analyse yourself.
Do not try to come up with the best thing to say to her.
You are not at a job interview for christ’s sake.
You need a job to have food and shelter. You do not need a woman, you just want her.
You think otherwise because you are too horny aka it’s your brother between your legs doing the thinking.
Like i said, when you are always looking for the perfect thing to say to a girl so, that you can impress her, it will be showing that her value is higher than yours.
ii). Be humorous and don’t be afraid to tease her.
You can improve your humor by practicing using the first step in this article (trying to chat with random people).
You can also improve your humor by watching lots of comedy and reading or memorizing funny lines from comedians.
How To Deal With The Fear Of Rejection?
#4. Realise that rejection is not bad.
Being rejected by a woman is not a bad thing.
Being rejected is way better than not approaching at all because;
i) It will increase your confidence levels because it shows your subconscious that you a bold guy who goes after what he wants.
ii) You will have peace of mind knowing that you did what you had to do when an opportunity presented itself.
iii) You will become better at approaching women because you will always be working on your weaknesses as well as improving on your strength.
For example, you could be good at approaching women with an open body posture but can’t keep eye contact.
So every approach you make, you keep perfecting your eye contact skills.
iv) You will be increasing your chances of getting laid or getting a girl friend or whatever you want.
Remember, dating is numbers game. It is like soccer..
the more shorts you take, the higher your chances of scoring. And the more shorts you take at goal, the more mistakes you correct, and the better you become.
Unless you are Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Zayn Malik, then you have to approach lots of girls.
Even for those two, there are some women who won’t find them attractive.
That brings me to the next point….
#5. Never take rejection personal.
Most times, a girl may refuse to give you her contact or refuse to talk to you because of reasons that are way out of your control.
Here are some reasons;
• she could be having a boyfriend.
• May be she had a bad day.
• She is married
• She only dates guys of the same religion.
• She has just come out of a toxic relationship.
Happiness and success in life (and therefore, dating) comes from focusing more on things you can control and focusing less on things that are out of your control.
In this situation, the only thing, you can control is one…..
Approaching girls without putting a lot of thoughts, and focus on the outcome.
#6. Eliminate thoughts that make you nervous.
When approaching girls by themselves, most of the time it is our deprecating self talk that make us lose our confidence and become nervous.
For example, when you are about to approach a woman, instead of thinking….
“oohh she will not want to talk to me.”
“Even if she doesn’t talk to me, at least i will not regret a missed opportunity and will be getting closer to success”.
So, we just always need to replace those negative thoughts that make us nervous with positive thoughts that give us courage and faith.
Instead of thinking…..
“This girl is so hot. She is out of my league”
“Am sexy and confident. Women find me attractive”.
You can simply do this by practicing affirmations.
Affirmations work because you become what you think.
Here are some affirmations you can use that work for me;
• am a sexy guy and women find me attractive
• am confident
• am assertive
• i love my life
• i am good-looking
• i have a sense of humor
• i am charismatic
• am handsome
• i feel secure in myself.
• i go after what I want in life.
You can also come up with your own affirmations.
Here are some the rules you should follow when doing affirmations.
》They need to be no more than 15 words.
》The affirmations should be positive, for example instead of affirming “i don’t feel nervous around hot girls” affirm “i feel calm and relaxed around hot girls”.
》Affirmations should be specific and concise.
》When making the affirmations, you need to visualise your affirmations and feel them. If you don’t feel your affirmations, they won’t work.
》It may take some time to see the results from your affirmations, and the results may come without you even noticing it.
#7. Practice visualisations.
Paint a picture of your ideal girl. Then visualise yourself approaching her.
Visualise what you will say and most importantly how you will say it. How you will ask for her contact.
Feel all the tension and emotions.
You also visualise and feel her rejecting you, assuming this happens.
Visualise how you will respond after she rejects you. What you will say. How you will walk away.
Visualise all the fun things you will do after she rejects you.
So next time you meet a hot girl when walking on the street or in a supermarket, you won’t hesitate approaching her because you had been going through the entire process in your head.
You will be completely confident that whatever comes out of the approach, you will be totally fine.
I know that visualisation exercises usually emphasise that you visualise yourself being victorious and it actuailly works but…. just to be honest with you.
As i said, when it comes to approaching women you will get rejected. But, like I said, rejection is victory.
Being rejected is part of approaching women.
So, it has to be a part of your visualisations, so that, you know how to mentally and emotionally deal with it when it happens.
#8. Live a life that you enjoy.
Do the things that will add value to your life. Exercise, dress well and eat healthy.
Have hobbies and if you don’t have some, create some.
If you know that your life is fun and awesome, would you be bothered being rejected by a random woman that you will probably never meet again?
What causes most guys to be nervous, is thinking that if they get a hot girl to date them, there life will be a lot better.
So, they feel so anxious in front of hot girls because they are dealing with a big source of happiness.
Besides, if you create a high value life, you may not need to approach girls anymore. They will be chasing you instead.
Approach anxiety is something that a lot of guys experience. So practice those tips and they will surely help you.
When you feel like you are being nervous again, don’t hesitate to come back and reread them.
When you conquer your anxiety, you will be ahead of the majority of guys.
You will be in your own league because i will tell you that lots of guys out there chicken out whenever it comes to approaching girls.
How To Deal With Anxiety Approaching Women.
1. First approach girls without any expectations.
2. When approaching girls, focus on your body language.
3. Try to make approaching seem fun.
4. Realise that rejection is not a bad thing.
5. Do not take rejection personal.
7. Practice visualisations.
6. Eliminate thoughts that make you nervous.
8. Live a life that you enjoy.