A couple of years back, whenever I got interested in a girl, I would put all my focus on how beautiful the girl was and the other good qualities she had.
“I’m really interested in this girl. I’m going to pursue her and make her my girlfriend no matter what it takes”, I thought.
Have you ever thought that way before?
That attitude never worked out for me. It never worked because I often came off needy and desperate.
What did I learn from these experiences?
Your interest in a particular girl doesn’t matter.
The girl must be interested in you as well. She must at least have some interest in you too.
Trying to pursue a woman who is not interested in you just makes her feel less and less attraction to you
It always backfires.
It drops her interest in you much further. It makes you look desperate and needy. In her eyes, she sees you as a low value, boring guy.
Now, you could be thinking……
“If I show this girl that she means so much to me, she will like me back”…
News flash bro!
How interested you are in a particular woman has nothing to do with how interested she is in you.
A girl gets attracted to you because of traits like high confidence, sense of humour, social status and others…..
Not because you like her so much!
You shouldn’t misunderstand me, though.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t show attractive girls that you are interested in them.
You also need to learn how to notice her signals of interest.
And that’s what I’m going to be talking about in this article.
I’ll also talk about;
- Why you need to know a girl’s interest levels.
- Whether or not you can get a girl who isn’t interested in you at all.
- Who does the choosing? Man, woman or both.
- Why girls’ signals of interest can be confusing and how to figure that out.
- What to look out for while trying to figure out if she likes you.
- How to test to see if a girl likes you or not and why you always win no matter the outcome.
- Signs the girl you’ve just is losing interest and how to solve it once and for all.
- Telltale signs she doesn’t like you.
- And so much more.
Showing desire and interest in a hot girl is awesome and cool but, it is not enough.
Why Is It Important To Know A Girl’s Interest Levels?
It’s important to know a girl’s interest levels because this will help you know which girls you are supposed to spend your energy, time and emotions on.
You won’t have to waste your precious time and energy on girls who are not interested in you.
And you won’t have to waste their time either.
If she doesn’t show the interest back, which will happen most of the time (to be honest with you), that will be the right time to walk away.
It is simply the right time to go and pursue other beautiful girls out there (who are in plenty) who will also be interested in you.
Once you switch your mindset from…
“I’m interested in this girl and am going to get her no matter what”
“I’m to going pursue this attractive girl only if she has some bit of interest in me”
You are going to have a lot of success in dating.
You won’t have endless heartbreaks.
Can you get a girl who has no interest in you?
It is extremely hard, if not impossible, to get a girl who has zero interest in you.
Let me explain that using the following example.
Let’s assume the scale of a girl’s attraction runs from 0 to 10.
At level 0, the girl has absolutely no interest in you and at level 10, the girl is so attracted to you.
If she is even just a little bit interested in you or open to you – at level 1, 2 or 3 – you can take her interest and drive it up to levels 8, 9 and 10.
But if there is nothing there, to begin with – at level 0 – there is nothing you can do to make her interest go higher.
The point I’m trying to make is that you’re going to come upon women who no matter how charming, popular, good looking you are, can never find you sexually attractive.
Maybe she is not into tall guys.
Maybe she is into guys with tattoos.
Maybe she only dates guys of the same religion.
Sometimes it has nothing to do with you when a girl you are interested in doesn’t find you desirable.
Learn this fact and your success in dating will improve in no time.
So the thing to put in mind, is that it is a very good idea to pay attention to her interest in you.
Because the strength of her feelings for you, how interested she is in you is the most important factor in your relationship with a woman.
Whether you are approaching her in a supermarket, dated for a day, or married for years, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been seeing a woman.
The number one factor is how strong is she interested in you.
And if you don’t have that, nothing else matters.
And again the more you do that the more success you are going to have.
Men or Women, Who Does The Choosing?
Girls do the choosing.
So remember your interest in her doesn’t make her interested in you. It is irrelevant.
So when you guys try to tell a girl, how much you like her to raise her interest, that doesn’t work.
Why? Because, as I said earlier, her interest in you is not related to your interest in her.
Just because no other guy could ever be as interested in her as you are doesn’t make you the better prospect.
A girl will be interested in you because she wants you not because you want her.
So get it, bro! From now on, those girls do the choosing…
Get that right now and you are going to see your dating success skyrocket.
Why Can It Be Hard And Confusing To Know If A Girl Likes You Or Not?
Reason #1. Girls will rarely tell you directly if they are interested in you or not
Most girls can never verbally reject us because they don’t want to hurt our feelings.
So sometimes that can mean that the girl may just go ahead and give you her number, for example (which shows that she somehow likes you) but,
- She avoids making eye contact with you.
- Not excited at all while talking to you.
- She avoids facing her whole body towards you.
- She gives you her number whilst rubbing her nose or the back of her neck.
- She says yes when you ask her out, but doesn’t turn up later.
They do all that because they don’t want to say that they do not like you directly.
Perhaps, they do think that won’t hurt your feelings. Girls are expected by society to be nice.
They just don’t want to sound rude by directly saying to you “hey I’m not interested in you”.
Now some girls will do that and that’s great that they do.
But most girls don’t and so it makes it kind of misleading to a lot of guys.
Another thing is that just because the girl is nice to you doesn’t necessarily mean she is attracted to you. That too can be confusing for men.
Girls rarely verbalize their rejection of guys because they don’t want to have a negative interaction with you.
Their experience has told them that if they say no to a guy, maybe he will get pissed off and start yelling at her or do something crazy.
And so it can be easier for a girl to just give you her number and then say something like “oh am busy” when you finally ask her out,
versus her saying
“hey I’m not interested in you and I won’t give you my number”.
Reason #2. Girls who are into you will usually shit test you.
- I don’t give my number to guys I’ve just met.
- I don’t go to a guy’s place on a first date.
- She tries to make you feel jealous.
- Where did you get my number?
- I don’t give my name to random guys.
- I don’t date average guys.
- You are not my type.
And those tests can make you feel like she’s not interested.
But she’s just trying to see how you will react and that can be confusing.
As a man you would think “if she’s interested, why would she play games with me”.
But most of the time a girl will test you without thinking about it. It is a girl’s primal instinct. It is subconscious.
It is a way of trying to see whether the guy she is attracted to is confident and strong.
Whenever a girl gives me a shit test, I take it as a compliment. I know deep inside that this girl has some interest in me.
I take her shit test as a compliment because she is simply giving me a chance. A chance to pass her shit test and increase her interest levels.
At least she is investing her time by talking to me.
A girl who isn’t interested in you at all will just completely ignore you. So you would rather have the girl give you a shit test.
Her interest in you will rise depending on how you respond to her test.
As a rule of thumb, you should never show the girl that you are phased by her statement or action (shit test) neither should you look for the perfect answer to it.
Here are ways you can respond to a shit test;
- You can completely ignore it.
- Give a ridiculous answer.
- Agree with her statement and then exaggerate it.
- Pretend to have misinterpreted her statement or action.
Reason #3. A woman may go out with you for several other reasons
So typically when you go out with a woman, it’s because you are interested in her and you find her attractive, right?
However, that may not be always true for a girl.
Besides being interested, a girl may go out with you because;
- She could be bored on that Tuesday evening.
- She might love the concert you two are going to see.
- She wants to make her ex jealous.
- She’s in for that free meal and drinks.
What To Look Out For When Trying To Find Out Whether A girl Is Interested.
i). You want to look at her interest from the very beginning.
From the first moment you approach a girl, you want to put your interest aside and look closely at how interested she is in you.
It will help you to know if it’s worth pushing the interaction forward or you instead move on to other girls.
ii). Read her actions not her words.
Her words and actions can sometimes conflict.
For example, you are hanging out and you ask the girl to go back with you to your place but she says no.
Yet she keeps hugging you passionately throughout the date and reciprocating your touches.
This is different from the girl saying “yes” yet, she’s trying to stop you from touching her.
So don’t worry about what she says, look at her actions.
Another example is when she says nice things to you.
Not focusing on her words doesn’t mean that when you’re out on a date, you should not listen to her.
What I mean is that when it comes to reading her levels of interest you should focus more on her actions than words.
iii). Be 100% ok with her reactions to you.
If you do something that tests her interest in you, be 100% fine with how she responds to that.
Be ok if she is not interested in you. That’s a huge part of this.
For example, you try to touch a girl, but she reacts negatively by pulling her hand away from you.
You ask her out, but she flakes without apologising or declines without suggesting an alternative.
You should never be scared of the girl’s response to your test.
You would rather know right now whether a girl is interested in you or not.
It is way better than hovering around the girl for months because you are scared of finding out the real truth.
If you grasp this reality, it will save you a lot of precious time and energy that you would spend on girls who are not interested in you.
Pursuing a girl who isn’t interested in you will make you look needy and weak.
It’s natural and awesome to have a huge desire for a woman, however, it’s not cool to have a huge amount of need for a woman.
Girls love guys who show them sexual desire. But girls resent needy guys.
When You Take A Risk And Test To See If A Girl Likes You Or Not, You Always win. Why?
i) It will save you time.
When you finally realise that she’s not interested in you, it’s going to save you time and energy.
Resources that most guys waste chasing girls who are not interested at all.
As a smarter guy, you just go and spend them pursuing girls who are reciprocating your interest.
ii) A girl will respect you a lot for showing your desire.
A lot of guys spend months and years hovering around girls they are interested in without making a move.
This is primarily because of fear.
A fear that if they make a move or show sexual interest, they might get rejected.
So when you ahead and make the move, it will show the girl that you are the strong dude who goes after what he wants.
She will have huge respect for you.
iii) Some girls will start to chase when you walk away from them.
I have had some girls start to chase me by asking me to hang out, show interest in coming over to my place, initiating DMs, simply because I walked away.
I ended up hooking up with a few of them. They chased me because they viewed me as a confident, strong and attractive guy.
I was different from most guys who are always chasing them even when the girls didn’t show interest.
You must always be willing to walk away from a woman who doesn’t show interest in you.
Many girls will respect you a lot for this hence find you more attractive.
Perhaps, her rejection of you could have been a shit test.
How To Test A Girl You Just Met And See If She Likes You Or Not.
You want to keep testing a girl’s interest in you when approaching her, on a date, at the start of the relationship and throughout the relationship.
Test #1. During an approach, wait for her to ask for your name
After introducing yourself to a girl you have just met, ask for her name. Then wait and see if she will ask for your name.
If she asks for your name back, chances are she might be interested in you.
If she doesn’t, then she might as well be less interested (which is ok) or not interested in you at all.
You can find out the real truth using the following ways.
Test #2. Asking for her contact.
Does she give it to you or not?
You can also notice how she gives it to you.
Is she excited, nervous, or disinterested?
Did she give you her contact because she liked you or she just wanted you to leave?
She might have given you the wrong number. Send her a short text to confirm.
Test #3. After getting her contact, ask her out.
You should ask the girl to join you on a specific activity, place, day and time.
How To Ask Her Out For A First Date
Plan everything. You can say something like “I’m going to grab a cup of coffee this Tuesday at 19:00, I’d love it if joined me.”
If she doesn’t reply to your text or she doesn’t show up. You will just need to move on.
If she flakes a.k.a don’t show up for your first date but does any of the following;
- Apologies for not showing up.
- Provides a genuine reason.
- Gives an alternative. She might suggest a different date for you to hang out again.
Then, you can plan for another date. It shows that the girl respects you. It shows that she values your time.
However, if a girl does the reverse, you will need to walk away bro!
If she gives a lame excuse like “I’m busy” without giving a specific alternative like “I’m busy on Tuesday, but Wednesday will work for me” just assume she is not interested.
Where Should You Go For Your First Date?
As a rule of thumb, you have to make sure that your first date is informal or have your first date anywhere you can have some simple fun.
For example, go for
- A hike.
- Grab a cup of coffee.
- Ice cream shop.
- Take an evening walk together.
Test #4. When chatting, purposely allow the conversation to pause on her end.
And then try to notice whether she will take an effort to keep the conversation going.
If she likes you, she will restart the conversation to keep it flowing.
What Should You Keep In Mind About A Girl’s Indicators Of Interest?
1. These signals are usually subconscious and the woman doesn’t even have to think about them.
So you should never take it personally or get offended like if a girl tests you.
Just realise that it is something that comes naturally to women.
A few times, women will exaggeratedly display these signals to give you a hint.
2. You need to look for several of these signals before drawing any conclusions…..
like a woman may talk to you with less energy simply because she had a bad day or cross arms over her chest because it is cold.
3. When I was in college I hooked up with a girl at a party who had earlier stopped me from touching her lower back and dancing with her.
I didn’t make a big deal out of it but just kept on having fun.
She liked my response and eventually we had a fun time together. We ended up hooking up that night.
The point I’m trying to make is that you’re going to have to show some persistence when a woman shows you indicators of disinterest.
But you should always stop and move on if she verbalizes her rejection of you.
Signs A Girl Likes You.
#1. She teases or tests you.
A girl who is not interested in you will never test you. If she is not interested, she will just ignore you.
For example, she might engage in a verbal competition with you, to see if you will stand up for your beliefs.
Girls test you to see if the guy they are dating is the type of guy they want – a confident and emotionally strong guy.
And most of the time tests girls will give you are not conscious.
Most of the time, it comes naturally and it is an instinct girls possess. So you should never take girls’ shit tests personal.
#2. When she makes eye contact with you, she holds her gaze.
If she holds her gaze, it would mean that you’ve got her attention.
And girls only give attention to guys they like.
However, when you find yourself in such a situation you should act attractively.
How To Respond When You Lock Eyes With A Girl.
If you crumble and immediately look away, you’re going to look less confident and, therefore, less attractive.
If a girl makes eye contact with you and holds her gaze, smile and wait for her to break eye contact first.
This shows her that you are a confident and sexual guy which will make the girl’s attraction for you to skyrocket.
Some girls who are interested in you will test you by gazing into your eyes and hold eye contact for long to see whether you won’t crumble.
As I said, girls will instinctively test the men they are attracted to to measure the man’s strength and confidence.
Eye Contact Exercise Video (Try to hold eye contact with the cute girl at the end of this video)
#3. When you look at her, she causes her hair to fluff out.
By rubbing her palm on the back of her head.
#4. She mirrors your actions.
This is because girls tend to be passive and submissive to men they are attracted to.
She mirrors you when she;
- Adjusts the volume of her voice to match yours.
- Having a similar posture as yours.
- Matches the pace of your breathing.
- She laughs when you laugh.
- Adjusts the tone of her voice to match yours.
#5. Her pupils are dilated when she gazes into your eyes.
Her pupils dilate because she is excited to see you.
It could also be a result of nervousness. It happens because she is super attracted to you.
#6. She laughs at your normal statements
When you make a mildly witty statement, she laughs so hard as if it is the funniest statement she’s ever heard.
#7. She compliments you about small things.
If a girl likes you, she will compliment you on any small thing that any random person won’t.
#8. She looks for all excuses to touch you.
The girl may tap your arm like when she is laughing at your witty statement or while she is talking to you.
Girls are highly conscious of their bodies, so when she touches you it will rarely be an accident.
When you touch her, she touches you back. For example, when you place your hand around her waist, she does the same to you.
#9. She will face you with her whole body
If a girl faces you with her whole body chances are high that she likes you.
If she faces you with her whole body, it means that she is giving you her full attention.
#10. She asks you out.
This is a sure sign that a girl likes you. However, it is rare for a girl to ask a guy out.
Girls who ask guys they like out are the few who are very assertive and do not fear rejection.
So it won’t make sense for any guy to just sit there and wait for the girl to make the first move.
#11. She posts you on social media
This is a huge sign that a girl likes you. However, these should be individual pics or pics when you’re with her.
She posts your pics because she likes you and proud of you.
She wants to impress her friends. She wants to scare away any female competition.
# 12. Her friends know about you
This is another big sign that a girl likes you. She told her friends about you because she was into you.
It won’t be an accident to find that her friends already know about you yet, she has never introduced you to them.
#13. She sits so close to you
Girls are very conscious of their personal space especially when it involves a guy.
So if a girl gets you into her personal space, it simply means she’s interested in you.
She may, without your efforts, sit on your laps.
#14. She feels nervous around you
Look out for any signs of nervousness like her tense muscles, fidgeting and widened pupils.
#15. She asks you a lot of personal questions
She will ask you a lot of deep and personal questions to know more about you.
She may ask about personal information like your passions, goals, childhood experiences or your relationship status.
#16. She’s energetic while talking to you.
A girl who likes you will always feel excited meeting you and being around you. She will have a lot of energy because of the excitement.
#17. Shows feelings of jealousy
Whenever a girl who likes you sees you around other girls, she will start to show that she’s bothered.
She might start to act weird and throw some tantrums.
#18 She gives you a ton of attention.
A girl who likes you will always give you a lot of attention. For example, if you are talking to a group of friends, she will often pay the most attention.
Even when others seem not to be paying you a lot of attention, she will keep listening.
#19. If you hold her hand she holds back, tightly.
You can hold a girl’s hand as a way of testing her interest in you. You simply hold her hand and then wait to see if she holds your hand back
#20. Her foot points towards you.
When she is seated with her legs crossed, look at the foot of the top leg.
If it is pointed towards you, it means she is giving you her attention.
#21. She lowers her voice
When a girl likes you, she will tend to lower the tone of her voice while talking to you.
Signs that a girl doesn’t like you.
- When you are talking to her, she avoids eye contact or try to look away.
- She is unenergetic and not excited while talking to you.
- She turns her body away from you when you turn your body towards her.
- When you ask her questions, she gives one-word answers.
- She makes less effort to talk with you.
- She folds her arms in front of her chest.
- When you try to touch her, she reacts negatively by avoiding your touch.
- She talks to you with a neutral voice.
- When you try to extend close to her, she leans back.
Strong indicators of interest.
These are indicators that girls display when they have a lot of interest in you.
#1. She texts you frequently and replies to your texts shortly.
#2. She asks you out one on one.
#3. She takes time to always call you first. A girl will never call you first unless she is so attracted to you.
#4. She brings up the idea of being exclusive or becoming her official boyfriend. Girls often do this indirectly. For example, she tries to find out who you stay with.
#5. She tries so hard not to hurt your feelings.
When she thinks she has done something that might offend you like not picking up your call, she apologises very fast without even you confronting her.
#6. Asking you a lot of personal questions without you bringing up any topic related to the question like
• “what do you do for a living?”
• “What are your passions in life?”
• “Do you have a girlfriend?”.
• “Where do you see yourself five years from now?”
#7. When you try to hold her hand while walking side by side like during a date or while hanging out, she holds back your hand tightly.
#8. She always posts your pics or pics of and her on social media.
Signs The You The Girl You Have Just Met Is Losing Interest In You.
This is the girl you were planning to get exclusive with.
- No longer texting you as much as she used to.
- She is no longer calling you as much as she used to.
- Not replying to your texts as fast as she used to.
- No longer laughing at your jokes.
- She becomes so angry and dramatic even with small mistakes you make.
- No longer excited about the idea of meeting up with you.
How To Respond When The Girl You Just Started Dating Is No longer Interested.
When you realise that your girl who you just started dating is pulling away, it is always tempting to chase her, apologise trying to get back the attraction, but this is a terrible mistake.
When the girl is losing interest, it’s always good to mimic her emotions…
Pull back. Don’t chase her and she will come back to you.
If you start chasing her by calling and texting her all the time, she may lose all the interest she had in you.
Knowing a woman’s level of interest is vital if you are looking for successful relationships.
It helps you to know when it’s time to leave an interaction or relationship or when should start acting to get her attraction and interest back.
Above all, knowing a woman’s signals of interest will protect you from getting heartbroken when you invest your emotions, energy and time in a woman who never had any feelings for you…..
simply because you could not realise or accept the signals of disinterest she sent you.
I hope this article has helped you (and hey, if you think it’s cool, I’d appreciate it if you’d share it on social media.)