You see a hot girl seated by herself.
You man up and walk towards her.
You; (thinking “oooh my gosh, what should I say? if I say anything stupid, she may not give me her number, I want this girl to like me, I need a girlfriend”)… “umm, um what’s your name?”
Her; (with a bored look) “Katie”, “sorry, I need to go and meet my friends”.
The girl gets up and leaves.
You are left angry, disappointed and discouraged.
You vow never to approach any girl again.
You go out on a date with a girl or want to start a conversation with the girl you like, you feel stuck in your head because you don’t want to mess things up.
Do those situations sound familiar?
Well, it happened to me a dozen times.
What causes the hesitation, self-doubt, fear, and anxiety when you;
Approach a woman?
Want to start a conversation with a girl?
Try to ask an attractive girl out?
Are hanging out on a date with a girl?
Try going for a first kiss?
You are way too attached to an outcome!
What Does Being Attached To Outcomes Mean?
Not being attached to an outcome doesn’t mean that you do not want to get a girl’s number or ask her out on a date or even have sex with her.
It means you go after what you want, but at the same time not too concerned whether you succeed or not.
Not being attached to an outcome means you create the right conditions of turning that hot girl into your girlfriend and having sex with her.
And then go with whatever happens.
If you get her number, or make her your girlfriend or have sex with her, great.
If you don’t, it’s no big deal. There will be other opportunities. At least you went for it and you won’t go back home and start having regrets.
If you made any mistake, you will course correct.
Not being attached to an outcome means you will not throw temper tantrums when you fail and start avoiding failure like a plague.
If you are too focused on a specific goal like making that attractive girl your girlfriend, you will try to adjust your behaviours and naturally give off vibes of;
- Seeking approval.
All those behaviours make you look lame and low value in a girl’s eyes.
How Can You Become Less Attached To Outcomes?
#1. Be willing to walk away.
If you’re willing to walk away from a girl, you won’t put a lot of pressure on yourself to achieve a particular outcome or response from a girl.
How do you achieve the willingness to walk away from a girl?
Have an abundance mentality.
What does having an abundance mentality mean?
It’s simply the realisation that there are so many beautiful girls out there. More than you could ever date.
If you notice that you have a lot of options, you will not hesitate to make a move on any girl.
Why? Because you understand that you’ll go out there and meet other girls. You won’t obsess over one girl.
When you know that you can meet so many hot girls, you will not focus too much on getting that one girl to become your girlfriend or have sex with her.
You know you will be totally fine when she doesn’t give you her number or flakes on you because you have a plan B.
You will feel relaxed and laid back if you appreciate the fact that you have other options.
Unfortunately, so many guys lack an abundance mentality.
When a guy with no abundance meets an attractive girl, he vows “I will do whatever it takes to make this girl become my girlfriend”.
But this just makes him look unattractive and needy. It just pushes the girl away.
Any attractive girl will instantly become turned off the moment she realises that a guy is willing to do anything to get her even at the expense of his happiness.
You need to be willing to walk away if a girl shows signals of disinterest.
Sometimes a girl will show you signals of disinterest as a shit test to see whether you will act needy and insecure by starting to chase her.
But in both scenarios – whether she is not interested or just testing you – respond the same way: by walking away.
She will re-engage you if she was just testing you.
When should you walk away from a girl;
- You hang out more than three times but won’t get sexual.
- You text her twice, and she doesn’t reply to your texts.
- You ask her out, and she flakes.
- Your girlfriend uses sex to manipulate you.
This brings me to the next point.
#2. Create a life that you enjoy
When you live a life you enjoy, you won’t be too attached to outcomes like getting a girl to like you or making her your girlfriend.
When you know that you already have an awesome life, you will not need a girl’s approval and validation.
When interacting with a girl like when you approach her or ask her out on a date, you will be comfortable with whatever happens.
If you have an amazing life to fall back on, you will not be worried whether the girl will become your girlfriend or not.
You will always be laid back and relaxed.
Your life doesn’t necessarily need to be expensive or luxurious for it to be exciting and fun to you.
A fun and exciting life only need creativity and unpredictability.
- Pursue your hobbies.
- Work to improve your career.
- Make friends and build your social circle.
- Hang out with friends and family.
- Make more money.
- Create more hobbies.
- Work out a lot to improve your physique.
- Dress well. Check out for cool clothing here because your looks matter to women.
This will make your life exciting, and it will make you happy in a ton of different ways.
Take the example I gave, if you approach that girl knowing that you will go back home and practice playing your guitar, you won’t be worried whether the girl will like you or not.
Though you want her, your life will still be exciting without her. This will help you give off non-needy vibes.
You will feel relaxed. You’re going to naturally put on a fun vibe that will make the girl find you attractive.
Movies and adverts have made many guys believe that you need a girlfriend or wife to make your life worth living or be happy.
A beautiful wife and a hot girlfriend can make your life fun and exciting. They will never make you happy.
It’s a myth that society has made you believe.
It is your job to make yourself happy. It is not anybody else’s job.
“Until death does us apart” rarely exists. A beautiful wife will come and go. Chances are, you won’t stay with that hot girl forever.
So why let your happiness come from the temporary relationship?
And girls do not want to be with a guy who makes them the centre of his life.
Any attractive girl just wants to be a part of your life.
#3. Do not filter yourself around a girl.
One way of showing that you do not focus too much on an outcome is by willing to say whatever comes to your mind without fear of being judged.
Do not try to look for the perfect word to say. Do not try hard to look for the best action to take.
So long as your words and actions do not insult the girl, then go ahead without thinking twice.
Say anything that you would say to any random person. This will prevent you from becoming hesitant and becoming supplicative.
It makes you look confident and attractive to girls. Girls will love you and respect you because you are being authentic.
In the example I gave at the start, instead of looking for the perfect word, you can say something like…
“hey, I was passing by and I saw (her) a girl in a sexy dress. I had to come over and say hi. Am Asuman”.
Be sexual, but laid back.
#4. Do not take yourself too seriously.
So many guys take themselves way too seriously when they meet an attractive girl.
They want to say the right thing, they want to come up with the most clever statements, and they do not want to look stupid.
There is nothing inherently wrong with all these behaviours.
They spring from a place of putting the girl on a pedestal.
They come from a place of trying to impress the attractive girl, so that, you can get a specific outcome like her number or turning her into your girlfriend.
Taking yourself too seriously around an attractive girl will make you nervous because you will always be second-guessing every word you say and judging every action you take.
Whenever you take yourself seriously around an attractive girl, it makes you look boring and predictable.
There is no fun. Girls want guys who are fun to be around.
When you do not take the girl too seriously, you will not be afraid whether she likes you or not.
You will do whatever you want without hesitation.
You will look very attractive to girls because you are giving off confident vibes.
This takes me to the next point.
#5. Focus on amusing yourself.
When you are interacting with any attractive girl like when you are on a date, you should focus on having fun other than…..
focusing on what will happen after the date like whether you will have sex with the girl or not and whether she will kiss you or not.
Remember emotions are contagious. So when you have a fun vibe around the girl, she will immediately take up your fun energy.
When she smells your goals of wanting a kiss or get serviced after the date, she will think you are kind of desperate.
What you need to do is focus on having fun and enjoying the moment as you create the conditions for a first kiss, sex or whatever the hell you want to take place.
being desperate to have sex after the date while engaging in logical and neutral conversations with the girl and not touching the girl enough times.
#6. Focus on what you can control.
When it comes to dating, most of the times you may have no control over the outcomes of your interactions with attractive girls.
You need to focus on your behaviours around the girl because that is what you can control. Focus on your behaviours like your body language.
Consider the example I gave, instead of worrying whether the girl will give you her number or not…..
focus on making eye contact with the girl, slowing your movements, talking slowly and opening your body up.
When you focus on pulling off attractive body language cues, instead of what you will get from the girl, you will naturally display relaxed confidence.
She will become attracted to you and the results will take care of themselves.
Even when the girl doesn’t give you her number or refuses to talk to you, you will have no regrets because you did your best.
Sometimes, a girl’s reaction, her perception of you, what she thinks of you and how she feels will be completely out of your control.
So it will be a waste of your time focusing and being attached to outcomes with attractive girls.
For example, a girl may still find you desirable, but won’t give you her contact or go on a date with you or have sex with you because…
she has a boyfriend, or she only dates guys of the same religion, or her family wants her to date a guy of the same race or any other reason that has nothing to do with you.
Forget about any fake dating advice that says “get this one trick to get any girl you want” or “how never to get rejected again”.
The psychological tricks and knowledge that I share in my articles will increase your success with women, but…
they will never stop you from getting rejected.
The only guarantee I can give you is that they will make your life happier.
I still get rejected. But I’m always not phased, at all.
I forget about the rejection two seconds after it has happened. And that’s why I’m successful at seduction.
Approaching attractive girls is like soccer. Not even Ronaldo or Messi will score every shot they take.
However, the failure of not scoring a goal doesn’t stop them from trying again.
Unfortunately, most guys do the reverse. They let rejection stop them from going after girls they find attractive.
So they decide to settle for girls who they don’t find attractive and others continue to stay in bad relationships.
Generally, focus on what you can control and put less importance on want you can’t control. Believe me, you will live a happy and healthy life.
#7. Practice mindful meditation.
Mindfulness will help you learn how to stay in the moment without worrying about what will happen in the future.
Research shows that mindful meditation helps to improve your awareness, self-esteem, and increase confidence.
While interacting with a girl like when out on a date or during an approach, you take deep breaths, relax, feel and enjoy the moment.
When you feel relaxed, you will rarely feel nervous and worried about the outcome.
Basically, mindful meditation will always help you to develop relaxed confidence and eliminate your worrisome habits in all your life’s dealings whether it’s dating, your job, your business among others.
When you stop caring about outcomes with women, you will see a lot of positive results. When it comes to dating, you can’t control most outcomes.
But you have total control over yourself, your actions and your thoughts.
When interacting with girls focus on things you can control and do not put too much focus on the outcomes.
You will feel super happy and you will find dating fun.
That’s it friends.
Comment below to let me know what you think and what your experiences are about the topic.
How to be outcome independent and succeed at dating girls.
1. Be willing to walk away.
2. Create a life that you enjoy.
3. Do not filter yourself around girls.
4. Do not take yourself too seriously.
5. Focus on amusing yourself.
6. Focus on what you can control.
7. Practice mindful meditation.
Do not hesitate to share this article with friends if you found its information helpful.