You are walking and all of a sudden, you notice a hot girl.
She’s walking in your direction.
Her waist is slender. Her skin is radiant. Her eyes are cute.
You’re feeling enthralled.
You’re feeling tension, but you have no clue what to say or do about it.
You’re thinking about stopping her, start a short conversation, and get her contact. Problem? Your nerves won’t allow you to.
Thoughts and excuses start to pop up in your head…..
“She’s out of my league”
“She might not want to talk to me”
“All these people will start to look at me”
“What if she acts bitchy?”
Seconds pass and the girl passes past you without approaching because of the negative self-talk.
You reach home, you start having regrets about the great opportunity you missed.
Now you counsel yourself that it will never happen again.
But the same thing keeps happening over, and over, and over, and over again.
Well, bro! All of us have been there.
In this article.
I’m going to take you through what I do and the psychology that helped me to deal with the approach anxiety.
It will help you to crush your approach anxiety in no time!
But, before we get there.
What Causes Approach Anxiety?
Approach anxiety is a result of;
i) Fear of rejection.
Some guys have no problems with approaching girls, but their ego can’t stand rejection.
Most guys fall under this category. I fell under this category.
ii) Being nervous around women.
Some guys have no problem with being rejected, but get nervous in front of a hot woman because they are not used to chat with women.
This could also lead to failure to have what to say to a girl.
iii) It could be because of both.
So, am going to divide this article into two parts…
• How to deal with nervousness
• How to deal with the fear of being rejected.
I’ll also provide you with examples of what you can say.
Before we get there, you need to know this…
Your Nervousness Is A Good Thing.
You should not take your nervousness as a bad thing.
Being nervous shows that you are trying something new.
That is why being anxious should not stop you from approaching women.
Almost all men feel nervous while talking to women they have just met.
It takes practice approaching girls and experience in talking to women you have just met to stop being anxious around hot girls.
When you keep starting short conversations with lots of women, your nervousness around women will start to decrease.
How Can You Deal With Your Nervousness Approaching Girls?
” Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who doesn’t feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela.
#1. First approach women without expectations.
As I said, one of the reasons why you feel nervous talking to women you have just met is because you are not used to it.
So how do you destroy the fear of approaching girls?.
You face your fear by talking to girls anyway.
But you want to get out of your comfort zone by taking baby steps.
You will feel overwhelmed if you want to destroy your anxiety by approaching attractive girls straight away.
So, what you need to do is to first approach girls without expecting anything from the interactions.
You can try approaching girls without any outcome in two ways;
i) Start short conversations with random people.
》Talk to children, old people, ugly girls, beautiful girls, fellow guys, give them compliments, make funny compliments.
For example, you can meet a seven-year-old boy and say…
“Hey! Your shoes look nice. Where did you buy them?”
Say someone slips and falls in front of you, make a simple comment about it as try to help them get up. Like… “Ooh sorry! That must have hurt like a bitch”
That is crucial.
It’s what helped me to develop a charming personality.
It will also help you to warm up for the second step am going to give you.
ii) Then start approaching girls without getting their numbers or trying to pick them up.
Remember you are just trying to get used to chatting with random girls.
So, don’t have any intentions of dating the girl or hooking up with her or asking her out on a date.
You treat her like you would treat any other random person you’ve been approaching in step one.
Potential things you can do;
These are just examples, but you can come up with your ideas.
- Just simply say hi.
- Compliment on what she is wearing.
- Ask for directions. It can also be an excuse.
- Ask for her opinion. Even if you don’t need it.
If the girl acts bitchy, you won’t feel bad because you weren’t expecting anything from her.
You see, the word rejection actually means that you didn’t get what you expected from the girl.
So, if you approach girls without expecting any outcome, there is no way she will reject you.
This will help you become charismatic and warmed up so that when you are about to walk past a hot girl again, you won’t hesitate.
So the next time you start a conversation with a random girl, it’s going to feel natural and free-flowing.
You will treat her like all those elderly people you chat with.
a.k.a you won’t be putting her on the pedestal.
And that’s the main source of this problem: Men feeling like they need to impress the girl and/or earn her validation.
It’s why most guys get too nervous when they are in front of a hot chic – they are always trying to impress her by looking for a perfect thing to say.
However, even after you get used to approaching girls.
you should also keep chatting with random people other than focusing on talking to only beautiful girls.
It’s going to keep you sharp.
#2. While approaching girls focus on your body language.
One of the reasons why you feel anxious before approaching a girl is simply because you are always looking for the perfect line or a magic word to say to the girl.
Ignore all those lame lines from pick up artists.
They tell you…
“Tell her this one word, and you will get her to chase you”
“15 pick up lines that can prevent you from getting rejected”.
That is the worst advice you could ever get on the planet.
When approaching a girl, you do not want to overuse pick up lines because;
- Whenever you are trying to say the correct thing to a girl, it shows that you are trying to win her approval.
- Whenever you try to look for a perfect line, it always makes you stuck in your head. Thus, more nervous.
- Most beautiful girls have experienced a lot of guys who try to approach them with pick up lines. So, if you say a pickup line to a girl, she will immediately put her guard up.
- It might not feel congruent.
What you say to a woman doesn’t really matter.
It is how you say it that matters.
For example, just paint a picture.
You say a perfect pick up line to a hot girl, but you are not making eye contact or you are putting your arms in the pockets or you are speaking very fast and mumbling.
What will the girl be thinking?
It will make you look like a weirdo.
Women have a primal instinct of feeling a man’s confidence through his body language.
So whenever you are approaching a girl, focus on what you are communicating with your body language rather than focusing on what you need to say.
This will be helpful because;
• It will help you to get out of your head.
When you focus on body language that makes you look more confident, you will feel relaxed, calm, and less nervous.
Remember 70% of human communications can be through our body language. So, you should focus on how you can improve your confidence.
You don’t need to get anxious because you are looking for the perfect thing to say to a girl.
A girl can get attracted to you without you saying a thing simply by looking at the way you carry yourself like how you walk, how fast you speak and your posture.
Certain body language signals can help boost your confidence, make you feel less nervous and keep you calm.
Body language that can make you feel less anxious around girls you just met;
- Talk slowly.
- Hold your head high.
- Have an open body.
- Slow down your movements.
- Take slow and deep breaths.
- Walk slowly with a straight posture.
#3. Make approaching women fun.
Success in approaching and interacting with women comes from not putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
This will help you in a lot of ways.
You will be confident, fun, playful and exciting.
This will increase your chances of getting the girl’s contact, and saying yes when you ask her out on a date.
You will feel relaxed and laid back because you will be enjoying the process and not worrying about whether the girl will like you or reject you.
Ever heard of the saying “girls just want to have fun”? Well, it happens to be true.
When you approach a girl in a fun mood, she will pick up your energy and a few hours later…
you could be lying naked with her and horizontally close to each other (you know what I mean, haha)
How to can make approaching women seem fun
i) Do not filter yourself.
When interacting with her be polarising. Say whatever comes to your mind. Do not self analyse.
You’re not going to feel like you’ve run out of what to say.
Do not try to come up with the best thing to say to her.
You are not at a job interview for christ’s sake.
You need a job to have food and shelter. You do not need a woman, you just want her.
You think otherwise because you are too horny aka it’s your brother between your legs thinking.
ii). Be humorous and don’t be afraid to tease her.
You can improve your humour through practice using the first step in this article (trying to chat with random people).
You can also improve your humour by watching lots of comedy and reading or memorizing funny lines from comedians.
How To Deal With The Fear Of Rejection?
#4. Realise that rejection is not bad.
Rejection is something you need to celebrate.
Yes! Rejection from a woman you find attractive is a good thing in the grand scheme of things.
Being rejected is way better than not approaching at all because;
i) It will increase your confidence levels because it shows your subconscious that you a bold guy who goes after what he wants.
ii) You will have peace of mind knowing that you did what you had to do when an opportunity presented itself.
iii) You will become better at approaching women because you will always be working on your weaknesses as well as improving on your strength.
For example, you could be good at approaching women with an open body posture but can’t keep eye contact.
So every approach you make, you keep perfecting your eye contact skills.
iv) You will be increasing your chances of getting laid or getting a girlfriend or whatever you want.
Remember, dating is a numbers game. It is like soccer…
the more shorts you take, the higher your chances of scoring.
And the more shorts you take at goal, the more mistakes you correct, and the better you become.
Unless you are Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Zayn Malik, then you have to approach lots of girls.
Even for those two, some women won’t find them attractive.
That nicely brings me to the next point.
#5. Never take rejection personally.
Most times, a girl may refuse to give you her contact or refuse to talk to you because of reasons that are way out of your control.
Here are some reasons;
- She could be having a boyfriend.
- Maybe she had a bad day.
- She is married.
- She only dates guys of the same religion.
- She has just come out of a toxic relationship.
Happiness and success in life (and therefore, dating) comes from focusing more on things you can control and focusing less on things that are out of your control.
#6. Eliminate thoughts that make you nervous.
When approaching girls by themselves, most of the time it is our deprecating self-talk that makes us nervous.
For example, when you are about to approach a woman, instead of thinking…
“oohh she will not want to talk to me.”
“Even if she doesn’t talk to me, at least I won’t have any regrets and I will be getting closer to success”.
So, we just always need to replace those negative thoughts that make us nervous with positive thoughts that give us courage and faith.
Instead of thinking.
“This girl is so hot. She is out of my league”
“Am sexy and confident. Women find me attractive”.
You can simply do this by practising affirmations.
Affirmations work because you become what you think.
Affirmations to improve your self-confidence and make you feel less nervous when talking to girls
- I’m a sexy guy and women find me attractive.
- I’m confident.
- I’m assertive.
- I love my life.
- I’m good-looking.
- I have a sense of humour.
- I am charismatic.
- I’m handsome.
- I feel secure in myself.
- I go after what I want in life.
- You can also come up with your affirmations.
Here are some of the rules you should follow when doing affirmations.
- 》They need to be no more than 15 words.
- 》The affirmations should be positive, for example instead of affirming “I don’t feel nervous around hot girls” affirm “I feel calm and relaxed around hot girls”.
- 》Affirmations should be specific and concise.
- 》When making the affirmations, you need to visualise your affirmations and feel them. If you don’t feel your affirmations, they won’t work.
- 》It may take some time to see the results from your affirmations, and the results may come without you even noticing it.
#7. Practice visualisations.
Paint a picture of your ideal girl. Then visualise yourself approaching her.
Visualise what you will say and most importantly how you will say it. How you will ask for her contact.
Feel all the tension and emotions.
You also visualise and feel her rejecting you, assuming this happens.
Visualise how you will respond after she rejects you. What you will say. How you will walk away.
Visualise all the fun things you will do after she rejects you.
So next time you meet a new girl when walking on the street or in a supermarket, you won’t hesitate to approach her or starting a conversation with her because you had been going through the entire process in your head.
You will be completely confident that whatever comes out of the approach, you will be totally fine.
I know that visualisation exercises usually emphasise that you visualise yourself being victorious and it works but…. just to be honest with you.
As I said, when it comes to approaching women you will get rejected. But, as I said, rejection is victory.
Being rejected is part of approaching and talking to women you just met.
So, it has to be a part of your visualisations, so that, you know how to mentally and emotionally deal with it when it happens.
#8. Live a life that you enjoy.
Do the things that will add value to your life. Exercise, dress well and eat healthily.
Have hobbies and if you don’t have some, create them.
If you know that your life is fun and awesome, would you be bothered being rejected by a random woman that you will probably never meet again?
What causes most guys to be nervous, is thinking that if they get a hot girl to date them, their life will be a lot better.
So, they feel so anxious in front of hot girls because they are dealing with a big source of happiness.
Besides, if you create a high-value life, you may not need to approach girls anymore. They will be chasing you instead.
It hurts and saddens me to say it. But it’s the truth and reality. And since I’m not here to bullshit you, I’ll say it.
You’re going to get rejected most of the time.
As in, a lot. Especially if you’re just beginning to talk to new girls.
You’ll finally find a girlfriend or get laid with a bit of persistence. And you’ll forget all the other girls who rejected you.
As I said, rejection shouldn’t discourage you. It’s something to celebrate.
When you feel like you are being nervous again, don’t hesitate to come back and re-read these tips.
How To Deal With Anxiety Approaching And Talking To New Women.
1. First approach girls without any expectations.
2. When approaching girls, focus on your body language.
3. Try to make approaching seem fun.
4. Realise that rejection is not a bad thing.
5. Do not take rejection personally.
6. Practice visualisations.
7. Eliminate thoughts that make you nervous.
8. Live a life that you enjoy.