You find an attractive girl who is hot and fun to be around.
You text her all the time, you call her all day every day, you can’t spend a minute without hearing from her, you want to hang out with her all the time.
You are always looking for assurance that the girl still likes you so, you can feel good about yourself.
You always feel jealous and insecure whenever she talks to other guys.
You fear that she may dump you and go with other guys and lose your source of happiness.
You are always bragging and putting her male friends down.
Because of your insecurity and lack of confidence, the girl finally decides to break up with you.
You are left depressed and you end up losing your job because you can’t fully function.
Has any of the above ever happened to you?
Well, In this article…
I’m going to share the reasons why girls resent neediness and how to avoid neediness so that you can easily get sex and have healthy relationships with women.
Why Is Neediness So Unattractive And What Does It Mean? With Examples.
You may not realise that you are needy because you simply think that you are being nice and trying to show the girl how much she means to you.
Probably, you think she might like you the way you like her.
Just because you like her so much does not mean that she will fall for you.
A girl will fall for you because of your attractive personality traits.
Besides, beautiful women have a lot of guys who would want to date them.
It’s your personality traits like being non-needy that will separate you from all the ton of other guys who want to hook up with her.
However, you should also not start acting disinterested in girls who you find attractive just because you do not want to come off needy.
Basically, you want to show the girl that you find her desirable and sexually attractive but at the same time, you do not need her.
Think of anything that you want, but don’t need and act that way with girls.
You make sure that you must always be willing to walk away if she is not interested in you.
For example, you get a hot girl’s number you found at a supermarket, or who is your workmate or neighbour.
Then you send her a compliment text (this indirectly shows that you find her attractive which is good) or have a small fun chat over text.
Then what do you do next?
After some time you show a sexual interest in the girl by asking her to hang out with you.
This is perfectly fine because you are showing desire in the girl.
What if she declines by giving a lame excuse or doesn’t reply to your text?
If the girl refuses to hang out with you, and you move on by not texting her again and go for other girls, this is good.
Now you might be thinking, “how about I persist?”…
If a girl rejects you, but you continue texting her to convince her to hang out with you or to become your girlfriend, this is neediness!
What if she accepts to hang out?
If the girl accepts to hang out with you and you take her out for a very expensive dinner or brag while hanging out, this is neediness.
If you hang out with the girl at a less expensive place, and you let her find out the cool things about you by herself, this is cool.
If you hang out with a girl, and you verbally ask her to be your girlfriend, this is neediness.
Then what should you do?
You hang out with the girl, have fun and you go for a kiss or ask her to go back to your place for sex, which is ok!
In this example, you can see that the ‘needy you will always be seeking the girl’s validation and approval
the ‘non-needy you’ won’t care whether the girl likes him or not.
The ‘non-needy you’ is not scared of the girl’s reaction because he knows that his validation comes from the inside not from being with the girl.
The ‘needy you’ seek for a girl’s approval.
You want to feel good about yourself from external validation.
Your validation must come from the inside and not from the results you get from the interactions with girls.
You should not be phased whether;
The girl texts you back or not,
She picks your calls or not…
She accepts to hang out with you or not,
The girl had sex with you or not,
The woman you like talks to other guys or not.
Just because some (random) hot girl has refused to give you her contact or has refused to hang out with…
doesn’t mean that you are the worst person on earth or you are not attractive to girls.
In the same way, having the hottest girlfriend on the planet will not turn you from a loser dude into a winner.
You will just be a loser with a hot girl.
And trust me, you will never be happy and feel masculine if the best thing you have in your life is a hot girlfriend.
Again, even if you have things going on in your life, you do not want to get a girlfriend and, then……
turn her into the most important thing in your life just because you read a lot of “stupid” love quotes.
Girls do not want to be the centre of your whole life.
They feel burdened if you make them your main source of happiness.
They just want to be a part of your life so that they enjoy the adventure.
If a girl is hot and has a lot of positive things going on in her life…
she would not want to be with a guy who is always seeking reassurance that she likes him.
A woman becomes attracted to a guy because of his masculine traits like emotional stability, confidence, leadership, and ambition.
When you show neediness by seeking a girl’s validation and approval…
by trying to impress her and follow her lead, you lose most of the traits that make you masculine.
If a guy beats up and insults his girlfriend because she talked to other dudes, does that show insecurity or emotional stability?
Of course, it does!
If a guy has time to text and call a girl all day every day or stalk her on social media, does that show a lack of a purpose in life or having ambition?
It does. It shows a guy who has no purpose in life and has no life.
Whenever you are desperate to get a girl into a committed relationship. What does the girl subconsciously think?
Probably, no other attractive girls like you!
When a guy asks the girl to be his girlfriend instead of going for a kiss or having sex with her until the girl brings up the idea of a relationship.
Does this show approval-seeking behaviour?
Being non-needy will benefit you and the girls you interact with because…
they will not feel the pressure and burden that comes from being the main source of your happiness.
And the girl will be attracted to you more at the same time.
How Do You Avoid Being Needy With Girls? What To Do Instead
#1. Develop an internal validation process.
Never let your validation come from the success you get with girls.
This will stop you from seeking their validation and approval which naturally makes you act needy and desperate.
You must learn to seek the validation you crave from yourself.
Believe that you are confident and attractive to girls because that is the kind of guy you are not because…
you had sex with that hottest girl in your neighbourhood.
Believe you are strong because that is the kind of person you are. Not because you approached five girls and none rejected you.
Never think “She doesn’t want to date me. I must be unattractive.”
“that girl has lost an opportunity to be with an awesome guy like me.”
Believe that you are an attractive guy that women find attractive, and you will naturally display non-needy behaviours that attract hot girls.
Believe that you’ll succeed and your attitude will increase the odds of winning.
Any success in life comes from believing in yourself.
The problem with seeking validation and completeness from external things is that it creates a life of highs and lows since you have no total control over things outside you.
This makes you vulnerable to addiction and depression.
It makes you vulnerable to stress and depression because these external things, that you take as your main source of happiness, can leave you anytime.
And you will often have nothing to do about it.
However, when your happiness and validation comes from the inside, you remain happy and confident regardless of what happens outside you.
You do not want your confidence and self-esteem to be determined by external things that are out of your control.
For example, when you have sex with a girl you become happy and when a girl rejects you some other day you become miserable.
When a girl is replying to your texts, you become excited, but you again become miserable and act needy when she ghosts you.
When you are single you feel miserable, when you get a girlfriend you feel happy.
So when your girlfriend pulls away, ( like if you had a misunderstanding ), you start feeling like your source of happiness is going to leave.
You start to beg and act needy which pushes the girl away even further.
What’s the problem of being needy in a relationship?
If you feel like, you need a girlfriend just because you are lonely or you feel like you need someone to complete you, it is not going to work for you.
That is why you need to move into a relationship with a girl for the right reasons.
The problem with those feelings of needing a girlfriend is that you will put the girl on a pedestal by default.
You will start to give away your power because you want to please the girl and show her how much you love her.
If you ask me,
“Can a girl still have me as her boyfriend?”
I’ll reply, yes!
But will she respect you?
When it comes to women, there is no attraction if there is no respect.
There are a few women who like to control men and will stay in a relationship so long as she controls the relationship. But it often doesn’t last long nonetheless.
But the majority of girls will immediately dump you the moment you let her take control of the relationship.
Why? It’s simple!
Women are not attracted to spineless men.
How to develop an internal validation process
The best of achieving internal validation is by developing internal attributions.
Internal attributions like
- “I’m attractive because that’s the kind of guy I am” (Not because “I had sex with an attractive girl.”)
- “I’m successful because I worked hard and diligently” (Not because “I was lucky.”)
- “I care less about what others think of me.”
- “I love rejection from girls because it shows I have the balls to go after what I want”
Your attributions affect your behaviour.
For example, if you believe that you are not attractive to girls, you will give off behaviours that push girls away without even thinking about it.
Take a look at the majority of self-made rich people and very successful athletes, they possess an incredible internal attribution trait.
They did not think that external circumstances could stop them from succeeding.
Many people who are not successful let the external circumstances stop them from succeeding.
Being unpopular, not rich, being short or whatever the hell you use to sell yourself short will only count if you think they do.
So having an internal locus of control will help you succeed in so many aspects of your life besides dating.
#2. Create a life you want.
When you create a life that is worth living, you will not care whether any particular girls like you or not.
You will have a lot of good things going on in your life so, you will not have time chasing girls who ignore you.
You will not have time to pursue girls who are not simply interested in you.
You will instead have girls chasing you to be a part of your awesome life.
How to create a life you want
- Focus more on your career or passion.
- Workout to look good and healthy.
- Find time to hang out with friends.
- Find time to hang out with family.
- Pursue and improve in your hobbies
- Create new hobbies and friends.
- Read a lot about self-development books and articles on business and dating.
- Meditate. Every morning. For at least 15 minutes. It lowers stress and depression.
- Dress well. It will make you feel confident.
As I said, girls do not want to be the centre of your life.
They want to be a part of a man’s awesome life.
You should view a hot girl as a positive addition to your already awesome life instead of viewing a girl as someone who will come into your life and make it complete and happy.
Making your life happy and worth living is your job. And you do not need to be rich to achieve this.
Though you will need determination and perseverance.
When I had just joined college, I always thought that if I get a girlfriend and have so much sex, my life would be complete, and I would be very happy.
But guess what? Two of them dumped me.
After seeking knowledge in dating, I later realized that the mentality of “get a girlfriend and feel happy and complete” screwed me up.
I always acted needy. I used to text them all the time to feel secure that they still liked me.
Instead of focusing more on my academics, and what I wanted out of life, I always found myself thinking about my relationships with the girl.
When you are striving to create a life you want by pursuing your goals and hobbies, you will become scarce, and you will not need to reach to the girl all the time.
You will become a challenge to women who they have to work hard to win over because you are valuable.
You lose money when you chase women. Women chase you when you chase money and goals.
#3. Develop an abundance mentality.
Realise that being needy and clingy comes from a scarcity mentality.
What does a scarcity mentality mean?
You value your interactions with that one girl so much because you think that she is one in a million.
You have made yourself believe that you will never find any other girls like her.
You may think that this will make your girl feel special, show her how much you treasure her and then, she will love you more.
This doesn’t work, it just backfires.
She will leave you instead.
Hot girls have a lot of options.
They can get so many guys who can easily fall head over heels for them.
So by you thinking she is very special, it isn’t unique to her.
What is rare to her is a guy who is high value and a challenge.
Girls love a guy who is a challenge.
When she invests efforts to win your affections, she will respect and value you more.
You won’t need to win her affections which would make you look weak and desperate.
When you become needy it shows that you lack options, which is a red flag to girls.
When a guy is needy, the girl feels like no other girls like him.
She thinks you may be undesirable and unattractive in some ways.
When we see a big group of people say that something is awesome, we naturally find it desirable too.
The main reason a guy acts needy is that he is not willing to walk away from a girl who is ignoring him.
For example, if you ask a girl you find attractive to hang out with you, and she flakes on you or declines, you do not start chasing her desperately.
What should you do instead?
Move on. Ask other girls out (Including one of her close friends if you can: you’ll laugh at her reaction if she finds out). Date other girls because you know there are so many attractive girls out there – Just like, if not better than, her.
When you have options or realise that you do, you will always be ready to walk away from a girl which will prevent you from acting desperate to get that one girl because you made yourself think there is no anyone else like her.
#4. Realise that you can’t control her feelings for you.
You cannot control what a woman feels or thinks of you. You can only control yourself.
Happiness in life comes from focusing more on things you can control and focusing less on things you can’t control.
When a girl has no feelings of affection for you, that can’t change by trying to please her and being so nice.
This just makes you look needy, desperate and unattractive.
The best solution, most of the time, is accepting the fact that she is not attracted to you, and then move on to girls who may be interested in you.
You can’t make a girl become sexually attracted to you by showing how much you are interested in her.
As I said, a man’s interest in a woman doesn’t make a woman interested in a man. It is irrelevant.
Continuous pursue of a girl who is not attracted to you often turns into neediness.
Again you can’t convince a woman who has no feelings for you using logic.
The attraction that a girl feels for you is emotional and has nothing to do with logic and reasoning.
When a girl is not attracted to you, you can never change that by telling her how much money you earn and how much you can take care of her.
Letting her know of your awesome house and the cool car does not matter.
What if she acts interested after verbally revealing to her about all the cool stuff you own?
I have one thing to tell you: don’t complain about attracting gold diggers.
Don’t moan if she monkey-branches to some other man who owns a finer car or house.
In the grand scheme of things, it’s how you make her feel that really matters.
When you try to change that by convincing her, begging and pleading, you’re going to look desperate and clingy.
#5. Never try pushing for a relationship.
The main reason you could be feeling needy is that you are desperate to get the girl into a committed relationship.
It is a woman’s role to push for commitment.
Your main role in the initial dating stages as a man is sex.
So, you should always strive to have sex with a girl. Then when the time is right, she will talk about being exclusive.
Even when you feel that you want her to be your girlfriend, do not talk about it.
The problem with actively striving to make a girl become your girlfriend is that you will naturally try to win her approval.
And when you try to win a girl’s approval, you will often come off as needy and desperate.
Sometimes if a girl realises that you desperately want her as your official girlfriend, she will start playing hard to get which she never did while your interest wasn’t that much.
She may say something like “you know, I’m not looking for anything serious right now”.
When a girl plays hard to get, most guys react by starting to chase the girl and end up becoming needy.
They start to convince the girl why she should become their girlfriend. This just pushes the girl away.
So your main role is to push for sex then it will be a girl’s job to get you committed.
When you finally make her your girlfriend, she will feel like she earned your affections.
You should also do this to girls who are good girlfriend material and you want them to become your girlfriend.
Girls resent any sort of attention and validation seeking behaviours.
It is a huge turn off for them because it makes a guy look weak, insecure and less confident.
Working on your neediness will help you in a ton of different ways.
It will prevent you from becoming depressed because of your relationships with women.
Your confidence and quality of life, in general, will improve.
You will easily have sex with girls you have just met.
You will keep your relationship happy, healthy and satisfying because you and your woman will be happy.
And that’s friends.
You can also comment below and let me know what you think about the topic.
How can you avoid neediness with girls, summary?
#1. Develop an internal validation.
#2. Create a life you enjoy. Have a life.
#3. Develop an abundance mentality.
#4. Realise you can’t control her feelings for you.
#5. Never try pushing for a relationship.
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